de-licer, honourary pygmy, root canal digger, bomb shelter, old masters restorer, programmer, hippopotamus wrestler, amateur gynecologist, rumour spreader, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, grave robber, hair stylist, rectangulist, toe-nail clipper, worrier, julio iglesias' lyricist, goodie-goodie, absolutist, astrologist, antarctic explorer, burger flipper, bear baiter, egg pickler, mammal, performance artist, sherker, unemployed jockey, astronaut, lady di impersonator, philosopher, highwayman, taxidermist, fruit picker, palm reader, gurkha, consumer, eccles-cake eater, bounty hunter, fire hazard, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, will-never-be ex-drinker, pepper grinder, ex-smoker, northerner, mushroom cultivator, anteater, march hare, paper pusher, psychoanalyst, tramp, corpse manicurist, male, your worst nightmare, mad hatter, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, wheel changer, best girlfriend, mercury sniffer, necrologist, (null), potty trainer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, ghostwriter, sushi chef, land mine detonator, brother, composer, 82 kgs, pop icon, a-and-f-singer, snake charmer, pedicurist, DIY fetishist, stamp licker, jockstrap test pilot, intestinal pipe cleaner, engländer, crowd pleaser, prodigal son, contortionist, caucasian, failure, traffic warden, chest hair decurler, 180 lbs, would-be francophone, home-made man, celebrity embalmer, sherpa, bra underwirer, soap-box maker, blue-eyed, roadrunner, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, 1m88, warmonger, beard trimmer, natural gas producer, make-up remover, teacher, solid-state physicist, good egg, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, refrigerator defurrer, basket weaver, imposter, seasonal motocrotte driver, poet, 13 stone, debutante, tattle-teller, healer, remote controller, monomaniac, big cheese, brown haired, anthropophage, post-raphaelite, cannon fodder, post-natal, sculptor, football commentator, olympic gold medallist, soap opera starlet, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, six-footer, coffin nailer, sister, hatchet man, experimental ornithologist, margaret thatcher's joke writer, bad speller, painter, landscape gardener, pumpkin masher, oceanographer, jammy sod, herbivore, moisturiser, jet-setter, cricketer, autogamist, armpit sound artist, draft enforcer, zebra de-striper, film critic, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, political consultant, goatherd, happy camper, pooper-scooper, camel trader, love potion, professional mourner, leg cruncher, ex-oboist, elvis lookalike, elephant-house cleaner, religious leader, private dick, head shrinker, rollmop herring roller, sexologist, former united states president, cowboy, bikini waxer, leach sucker, prickly pear importer, settee upholsterer, ... (suggestions?)


(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)
 

upwards and onwards