head shrinker, settee upholsterer, caucasian, mercury sniffer, mammal, professional mourner, worrier, goatherd, sherker, would-be francophone, consumer, failure, poet, absolutist, cricketer, (null), basket weaver, composer, 13 stone, corpse manicurist, engländer, northerner, traffic warden, performance artist, anteater, chest hair decurler, ex-oboist, pepper grinder, crowd pleaser, snake charmer, home-made man, camel trader, celebrity embalmer, unemployed jockey, burger flipper, painter, armpit sound artist, elvis lookalike, leg cruncher, elephant-house cleaner, sister, best girlfriend, prickly pear importer, goodie-goodie, warmonger, soap opera starlet, seasonal motocrotte driver, 1m88, tattle-teller, jammy sod, post-natal, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, herbivore, natural gas producer, soap-box maker, will-never-be ex-drinker, sherpa, programmer, healer, paper pusher, toe-nail clipper, hippopotamus wrestler, wheel changer, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, leach sucker, astrologist, antarctic explorer, anthropophage, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, your worst nightmare, post-raphaelite, autogamist, pumpkin masher, coffin nailer, contortionist, religious leader, land mine detonator, make-up remover, male, jockstrap test pilot, hair stylist, pooper-scooper, refrigerator defurrer, palm reader, love potion, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, rumour spreader, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, solid-state physicist, tramp, old masters restorer, intestinal pipe cleaner, root canal digger, a-and-f-singer, six-footer, bounty hunter, happy camper, bra underwirer, necrologist, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, rectangulist, highwayman, fire hazard, film critic, private dick, mushroom cultivator, gurkha, de-licer, good egg, draft enforcer, psychoanalyst, pop icon, astronaut, prodigal son, teacher, taxidermist, brother, monomaniac, bad speller, honourary pygmy, cowboy, lady di impersonator, remote controller, zebra de-striper, sexologist, debutante, potty trainer, sculptor, olympic gold medallist, eccles-cake eater, football commentator, egg pickler, philosopher, beard trimmer, ex-smoker, blue-eyed, former united states president, brown haired, ghostwriter, mad hatter, bikini waxer, roadrunner, rollmop herring roller, hatchet man, imposter, julio iglesias' lyricist, big cheese, moisturiser, pedicurist, DIY fetishist, march hare, cannon fodder, 180 lbs, grave robber, oceanographer, sushi chef, stamp licker, amateur gynecologist, margaret thatcher's joke writer, experimental ornithologist, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, landscape gardener, bear baiter, 82 kgs, bomb shelter, fruit picker, jet-setter, political consultant, ... (suggestions?)


(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)
 

upwards and onwards